'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the trails,
Every Hummer was stranded,
Their progress like snails.
They had no shovels,
No rope and no winch,
No CB, no cell-phone,
To get out of their pinch.
When out from a mud pit,
There arose such a clatter;
All the 'wheelers came running
To see what was the matter.
I saw some poor Hummer
All covered in crud;
He had blown his motor
Getting free of the mud.
As he stood there I noticed
His glowing red face,
And I knew in an instant
He wanted out of this place.
I glanced at his roof,
It was all I could see;
He pleaded for help
From my winch and from me.
So I sprang to the front
Of my trusty old ride,
Spooled out the cable,
And said "Hook 'er up,guy!"
He went for a swim
In the watery hell,
And I laughed as he turned brown,
And started to smell.
He hooked up the cable
To his buried front hook,
I put a coat on the line
Like it says in the book.
I winched him out quickly,
A very fast session;
And I charged him a C-note,
To teach him a lesson.
I then drove my Jeep through
The same mud and same muck;
No problem for me,
'Cause I had a REAL truck!
I wound down my window
As I drove out of sight,
And smugly yelled "Next time
Stay home Christmas night!"