PROGRESS!
A mechanic friend came over tonight and we nit-picked the entire harness.
Turns out the PO apparently yanked out the starter line behind the fuse box
for something (probably radio related) and accidently switched the puke
green wire (like the one that runs to the engine fuse box) with the actual
starter line (dark green.) Once switched back the jeep now cranks properly
and we're getting full power to the plugs. Still not starting though so I'm
going to let it sit with a charger over night and hope its just flooded, but
we are now 100% sure there is proper fuel pressure, the distributer is
adjusted, and all of the sensors have proper voltage. There is no reason
why it should't from this point forward.